“Why Do We Stop Being Authentic When We Switch Into Mom Mode?”

Jun 2

Have you ever caught yourself saying, “I used to be so fun/spontaneous/stylish/confident before I became a mom”?
You're not alone.

Somewhere between packing lunches, driving carpools, managing emotions (both theirs and ours), and keeping up with the endless to-dos, many of us begin to lose touch with the parts of ourselves that once felt so uniquely us.

But why does this happen?
Why do we shift into “Mom Mode” and unconsciously leave behind the authentic woman we once were—and still are beneath the surface?

In this post, I want to explore that question—not with judgment, but with compassion and curiosity. Because I believe it’s possible to be a devoted, nurturing, and amazing mom while staying true to the woman inside.

So, How Do We Reclaim Ourselves Without Guilt?

Becoming a mother is one of the most profound transformations a woman can experience. We’re handed this tiny human (or a few!), and suddenly, our hearts expand, our priorities shift. We begin to embody a new role that demands everything from us—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

But somewhere along the way, many of us find ourselves asking:

"Where did I go?"

We love our children fiercely. We'd do anything for them. But in becoming everything for everyone, we can quietly begin to disconnect from our most authentic selves—the woman we were before we became “Mom.”

So, why does this happen?

Here are a few possibilities that resonated with me:

1. We Think Being a “Good Mom” Requires Self-Sacrifice

Many of us grew up with the message—spoken or unspoken—that a “good mom” is selfless. That she gives without asking, sacrifices without question, and puts herself last, always.

However, this belief often leads to burnout, resentment, and a sense of losing one's identity. Authenticity becomes a luxury we feel we can’t afford—when, in reality, it’s what keeps us emotionally available and grounded for our families.

2. We Shift Into Roles Instead of Living in Truth

Motherhood often comes with invisible scripts: Be nurturing, be calm, be organized, and be strong. And while those traits may be part of who we are, when we start performing them instead of living them authentically, we start wearing masks instead of being real.

3. We Fear Judgment

Social media, parenting books, and unsolicited advice can make us feel like we’re constantly being watched—and always falling short. So we present the “perfect” version of ourselves, even if it means hiding our messiness, our needs, and our dreams.

4. We’re Exhausted

Let’s be honest—when you're running on five hours of sleep, scraping mac & cheese off the floor, and navigating emotional minefields, authenticity might feel like one more thing to manage. Survival mode takes over, and we forget that showing up as our true selves doesn’t add pressure—it relieves it.

So... How Do We Find Ourselves Again?

Here are a few gentle, empowering ways to reconnect with the real you:

🌿 1. Check-in with Yourself Regularly

Ask: What do I need today—emotionally, physically, creatively? Even just naming your needs is an act of authenticity.

🌿 2. Stop Apologizing for Having a Life Beyond Motherhood

You are allowed to have dreams, desires, and passions. That doesn’t make you a bad mom—it makes you a whole human. And when your kids see you owning your life, they learn to own theirs, too!

🌿 3. Bring Her Back—One Small Step at a Time

Wear the earrings. Style your hair. Call the friend. Take the class. Whatever it is that makes you feel like you—invite her back in, even in 5-minute doses.

🌿 4. Let Go of the Guilt

No rule says you have to disappear to be a devoted mom. In fact, the more you honor your authenticity, the more present and emotionally resilient you’ll be for your children and even your spouse.

A Final Word …

You are not just a mom.
You are a woman with a soul, a voice, a story—and your authenticity is not something to be shelved until your kids are grown. It is a gift, not only to you, but to them as well.

Let them see you. The real you.
She’s still in there.

And she’s so worth showing up for. I mean, it all worked out for Phyllis Nefler! 😉

XX Kim

Kimberly Gioioso